Long Standing Member of The Never Been Skinny Club

So I have never been skinny, not at least that I can remember. I  guess I was just a twig around age 5, but got chunkier and chunkier as I got older. My mom just recently told me that I went on my first diet at age 11 or 12. I saw my mom dieting and struggling with weight my whole childhood, and thought I was fat too. Of course the years only made the problem worse and by the time I was heading off to college I wore a size 18.

I guess my point is that my whole life I viewed myself as overweight for as long as I can remember. I've always thought of myself as fat, it really has been a big part of my identity. I don't want it to be that way anymore and I can't believe I am saying this but I'm also a little freaked out about loosing that. I so desperately want to loose enough weight to be healthy, I want to loose enough weight to feel good, I want to loose enough weight to feel normal but I also feel like I am forging into a whole new world outside of my comfort zone.


Today it dawned on me that I am finally about 13-14 lbs from the skinniest I have been in 9 years. And the weird part was that my next thought was who will I be when I am done loosing weight? What will I feel like? What will happen when this part of my identity is gone?


Strangely I have spent so many years hating my fat, hating being overweight and here I am having success at loosing and I am having crazy irrational fears about what life will be like once I cross over into the world of normal sized people. lol I know! It sounds crazy to me too, but I'm just being honest.


My husband and I started working on loosing weight in late Jan/early Feb by just eating healthier and just started the 17 day diet 9 days ago. My husband has lost 32lbs, 9 of those on this diet. I have lost 27 lbs, 8.5 of those on this diet. So we've both lost a pretty good chunk of weight.


I have no intention of giving up, this is going really well, and working really well and this is something I have wanted my whole life and despite this weirdness I am feeling today it is making me REALLY happy to be smaller.


What are your thoughts honestly? Have you lost a lot of weight and gone from a "fat" person to a "normal" person? What changed for you? How did you feel at the end of your journey? Were you able to let go of that old identity and embrace your new one? Anyone else in the same "club" as me feeling this too?